So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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