I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
