dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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