This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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