The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
