Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
