Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
