I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
