I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
