Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
