arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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