Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
