Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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