Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
