If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Farmville is her only friend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
