That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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