No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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