Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
