party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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