I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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