I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
