my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He felt like a one man threesome
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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