Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
