I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
