its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
