I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
