Sponge bath it is.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
