Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
