well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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