Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
