Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
