Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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