The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
