Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just pynch a tree in the face
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
