She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
