btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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