i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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