Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
