Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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