Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
