I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
