I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize