I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
