Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
