Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
