Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Still dying that you shit outside
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
