oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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