Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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