enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
