We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
