I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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