fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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