Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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