guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
