I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
