just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
