The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
