im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
