My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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