You're completely useless in the revolution.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
