His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
