That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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