eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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