How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
