I think I died a long time ago.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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