i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
