Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
