He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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